Yo Gabba Crappa!

After seven years of sifting through the absolute garbage that is now available for my children to watch on television, I've come to the conclusion that they have seriously been given the short end of the stick.  Sure, technology has advanced, and DVR and Netflix makes it possible for them to watch whatever cartoons they want at virtually any time of day (provided my wife and I allow it, of course).  But while that can be convenient, I'm not sure it's better.  Especially considering I have grown to loathe nearly every show that's on right now.

When I was a kid, my brother and I had to wait until Saturday morning to watch our favorite shows.  Now, I'm only thirty years old, and I am well aware that some of you reading this had to walk three miles in the snow, up hill, both ways, just to get to someone's house that owned a TV, and then had to spend an hour adjusting the antenna in order to see enough of the black and white picture peek through the static to make it worth watching.  I understand this, but I really wish you'd quit making everything about yourselves.  I didn't have to do that, and I only got to watch He-Man on Saturday mornings, okay?  Those Saturday morning cartoon fests where my brother and I would curl up on the floor of the living room in our pajamas and argue over who's turn it was to pick what we watched was what made the weekends exciting.  We had to wait all week to see GI Joe kick the crap out of Cobra.  We had to survive five days of school before we got to see if the Decepticons would succeed in overcoming the Autobots.  But there's no waiting anymore.  No built up suspense.  Now my kids argue about which episode of what season of SpongeBob they want to watch.  And forget sitting through commercials.  Spoiled brats.

Furthermore, where I really think kids of today are missing out, is in the quality of programs.  Entertainment has been replaced with "learning" where little animal rescuers scream at my kids in Spanish and expect them to respond back in kind.  Seriously, Dora?  Boots is standing right next to you.  LOWER YOUR VOICE!  And my kids aren't answering your stupid questions so you can quit staring at us with that retarded look on your face.  If you don't know what a triangle is, you deserve to get your stuff stolen by Swiper. 

Every episode of GI Joe would give you a nice life lesson, but after the awesome battles were over.  He-Man would give you some great advice, but after he had knocked Skeletor out with his awesome sword.  Not anymore.  Now we have Max & Ruby, two bunny rabbits that apparently have no parents.  Ruby's always bossing Max around to the point where I want to strangle the rude, selfish little...Anyways, my kids don't watch that anymore.   

Then there's Yo Gabba Gabba!  I know a few parents that are more obsessed with this show than their kids.  And it is, for the most part, pretty creative.  Odd, but creative.  The only real problem I have with this show--besides the god-like, orange tights-wearing weirdo that hovers over everything--is their choice of guest stars.  For some reason, they think it's a good idea to introduce my two, four, and seven year old to people like Sarah Silverman and Jack Black.  My kids don't need to know who either of these people are, and honestly, I wish I didn't know who Sarah Silverman was (if you don't know who this is, watch the first five minutes of The Way of the Gun and it will give you an idea of why she has no business on a kid's show).  I like a lot of the stars and musical guests they have on the show, but whether or not I like them is irrelevant.  The issue is whether or not it is appropriate for them to be on a children's show.

That being said, there are some pretty good cartoons out there.  I enjoy Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Transformers Prime, The Green Lantern, and SpongeBob Squarepants.  Granted I'm a guy, so my preferences are a little skewed.  Now if only I can get my son to watch them with me instead of My Little Pony, but his older sister seems to be winning out in that arena so far.  Personally, I think Nickelodeon needs to make ten more shows about teenage rock stars.