Judge For Yourself

As I spoke to the girl, it became apparent that our conversation would be absolutely riveting.  This acquaintance of mine, out of sheer lack of anything else to talk about, inquired about my family's living situation.  I say we are renting a house in the most desirable city of Palm Bay, but we were currently looking to buy somewhere in the Melbourne area.  And she responds by saying, and I quote, "But at least you have a house."  Not yet comprehending the point she was making, I said, "Not really, I pay to live in someone else's house."  So she drives her point home.  "Some people don't have a house to live in at all."  This floored me.  Was this girl, who barely knows me, judging me on the basis that I want to buy a house while there are other people that don't even have a roof over their heads?  Really?  So I ask her where she lives, to which she replies, "We bought a house in West Melbourne."  It was at this point that I walked away to find a beer.  As I said, a truly stimulating conversation.

I've never given much thought to the topic of judgment until the whole Chick-Fil-A debacle began filtering through every form of network and social media.  Just about every other post on Facebook, crammed between pictures of hilarious eCards, proclaimed how horrible it was to judge others.  "Don't judge me", "Who are you to judge", they say, over and over in their status updates and voluminous tirades.  This began to weigh on me, until I finally asked myself, why?

Why is judgment so taboo in our society?  Without judgment, we could never be proper parents, because we could never determine whether our child's behavior is good or bad.  We could never have any sort of rule or law because someone that broke them could never be deemed guilty.  We could never have a best friend because that would mean you prefer them over other people.  We judge people constantly, every single one of us.  Why is that so wrong?

The answer is it isn't.  We judge the actions and behavior of others against the values and convictions to which we hold.  We determine who we enjoy being around and who we don't based on our own preferences, and we discern the truth or deceit in what others say and do based on our own system of beliefs.  Only the existentialist can claim he doesn't judge, but though he may ascertain that truth is relative, I would venture to guess even he would want to see the man who stole his wallet or kidnapped his child judged guilty and punished.

To me, the issue is not whether or not we should judge others, rather how we should respond to being judged.  As I see it there are only three valid reactions, only two of which are reasonable.

The first is to own it.  If they're right in their assertion, then take a humble pill and fix it.

The second is to deal with it.  If you take it into consideration and don't agree, then slough it off and move on.

The third is to take offense and then proceed to whine, complain, and attempt to destroy the person who made the judgment.  If this is you, grow up.  Your basic human rights do not include the right to never be offended.  You don't get to censor the opinions of others, no matter how much you disagree or how angry they make you.  I'm offended on a constant basis.  I'm offended that when a man is asked his opinion about something and he answers honestly, a firestorm of insults, slander, and boycotts are immediately rained down upon him.  I'm offended that a certain group of people have hijacked a symbol of my God's promise to mankind.  I'm offended that people still think Russell Brand is a good choice to host an awards show.  I'm offended that Coldplay forgot how to write good music, and that Aerosmith is still considered relevant.  I'm offended every time I hear the term "I'm-a-be".  It's I'm going to be you freaking Black Eyed Pea morons.  What I don't do is go around condemning everyone who says it.  I don't try to censor people's point of view because I don't agree with it, and I don't try to get bands kicked off the airwaves because they suck.  I don't hurl insults at homosexuals because they stole the rainbow.  I know what it really means and them strutting around on penis-shaped floats in multicolored underwear on Gay Pride Day isn't going to change that.  I'm also aware that anything hostile I say in protest isn't going to change their view.

The fact is, the only thing that gets through to someone with an opposing point of view is a relationship.  That's really what it's all about.  Relationships.  Without a real connection, what you have to say is futile.  You're wasting your breath, and you're wasting your time.  Loudly judge everyone you come into contact with.  Scream it from the rooftops.  But will you change anything by doing so?  Not likely.  A condescending attitude, like the holier-than-thou girl I mentioned earlier, does nothing but make people want to drink like a fish and swim as far away from you as possible.

This is something I figured out a long time ago, but until recently, rarely put into practice.  I find myself holding my tongue a lot more than I used to, though it still has a way of spouting off at times.  Especially if someone i know is talking nonsense.  In that case, I'm-a-be telling you exactly what I think.  Respectfully.